*Groves' ghost is flying through the air. A bird flies through him* Grove: Tickly. It's... ***MONTY PYTHON'S FLYING CIRCUS*** *Roll weird credits* *Benge is sitting around in Barbarois territory, lounging on some rocks* Benge: I'm a Barbarois and I'm okay— *Cell phone sound* *Benge rummages around in that black hole of his, pulls out a spoon, tosses it away, cell phone keeps ringing. Benge pulls out a football, throws it away, cell phone rings again. Pulls out a garter* Benge: What the hell? *Flips garter away like a rubber band* *Cell phone rings again* * * * * * *Said garter flies into Polk's shop, smacks Polk in the face. He does nothing* *D walks in, dragging a dead cyber-horse with him* D: Polk Polk: Huh? Who are you? Oh, right. D: Polk, this horse you sold me died. Polk: Looks fine to me D: I dragged this thing all the way over here! It's growing mold! Polk: Looks fine. D: This horse is dead! Polk: No it isn't D: Polk, this horse is no more (kicks horse) This is an ex-horse! If I hadn't dragged it all the way over here, it would be pushing up mechanical daisies! Look, horsy, horsy! (Kicks horse again) *Horse tips over, bursts into flames* D: what the hell? Polk: He's sleeping D: He's ON FIRE! Polk: No he isn't D: Polk, that thing's dead, it died spontaneously and I want a refund! Polk: He's fine D: He is not! Polk: How about an exchange, what about that one? D: Polk that's a sheep Polk: Thinks he's a horse. The last one thought he was a bird. Jumped off the roof D: Polk, this is ridiculous! Polk: No, it's a horse, they're all horses, 'cept the sheep D: What the hell is this? (Points at garter) Polk: hit me in the head D: That really doesn't explain anything Polk: Beats me, I'm asking you D: No, I'm asking you Polk: No, I'm asking you D: No, I'm asking you. Polk: Don't you have vampires to kill? D: I need a horse to kill vampires! Polk: How does that work? D: I need to get to the stupid vampire to kill them! Polk: Maybe they can come to you D: How am I going to get a vampire to come to me if I'm going to kill it? Polk: Isn't that your problem? D: I quit (leaves) Polk: What a weird guy * * * * * *Leila, Kyle and Borgoff are sitting on top of the tank, which is moving* Kyle: Anyway, my point is that every man— Borgoff: And woman Kyle: Fine, and woman has the right to defend himself— Borgoff: Or herself Kyle: Or herself, what was I saying? Leila: you're not finished? Kyle: Anyway, everyone had the right to defend himself— Borgoff: or herself Kyle: Or herself from vampires, and to ask for help when needed— Borgoff: Or vampiresses Kyle: What is your obsession with women? Borgoff: You saying that women don't have that right? Kyle: No, I'm just wondering why you're so obsessed with them Borgoff: I can be obsessed with women! It's my right! And their right! And everyone had the right to be obsessed with men! Leila: But why bring it up all the time? Borgoff: I want to be one. I want to have babies. Leila: You can't have babies! Borgoff: I have the right to have babies! A guy should be able to have babies if he wants! Kyle: It's not a matter of rights! You don't have the anatomy! How's the fetus going to gestate? A machine? Borgoff: I should have the right to have babies, that's all! *A sword flies through the air, landing in the top of the tank* Leila: Benge! Benge (offstage): Where IS that damn cell phone? *Leila throws the sword back* Benge (still offstage): I don't want it! *Sword is thrown back, taking off Borgoff's arm* Borgoff: Anyway, I still want to have babies Leila: Borgoff, You're arm's off Borgoff: You're interrupting Kyle: No, I think you need a hospital Borgoff: It's nothing *Grove climbs onto the top of the tank* Grove: Hey, guys Leila: Hey Grove: Borgoff, is your arm off? Borgoff: Yes, my arm's off, why do people keep telling me this? Grove: No reason, just curious. Kinda looks like you got attacked by a moose Kyle: My sister was attacked by a moose. No, really, she was trying to carve her initials in it Leila: Wouldn't she be trying to carve her initials in the antlers? Kyle: No Grove: Uh, anyone seen Nolt? Kyle: Not really. Leila: Hey, if you haven't seen Nolt, and we're all up here, who's driving? Grove: I was going to ask you that * * * * * *Old barbaroi on a unicycle cycling around in loops and cirlces* Old barbaroi: And now fo something completely different... *Gets hit by a fish and knocked off the unicycle* Old Barbaroi: That's not what I meant * * * * * *D is wandering around, when he stops suddenly hearing a squish sound* D: What? Hand: I think you stepped in something D (checking his shoes): Looks like the Venus De Milo * Little thing on his shoe starts yelling at him* D: Aaah! *Stomps his foot on the ground* What was that? Hand: An art critic *D watches in disbelief as a tiny ambulance drives by, pulls the thing out from under his shoe, and drives off* D: What the fuck? *Another piece of artwork walks by. D kicks it and it explodes, then turns into flowers* D: That's it, the next thing running around I'm killing! *A coconut flies through the air, and smacks D in the head. Coconut sprouts legs, and wanders off* D: (drawing sword) That's it! *D run off after the coconut* * * * * * *Benge is still pulling crap, most of which wanders off on his own, out of his pockets. Caroline is sitting next to him* Benge: Where'd I get a coconut from? Caroline: A swallow? Benge: African or European? Caroline: What's African? What's European? Benge: Don't look at me (pulls a desk out of his pocket) *Caroline sits down at the desk* Caroline* And now a word from the man on the street *Caroline shapeshifts into the desk and it walks off. Cell phone rings from Benge's pocket* * * * * * *Mashira is in the road, running from the tank* Mashira: Aaaaaaaaaaahhhh! Borgoff: I don't think that's a word Kyle: Right! This calls for immediate discussion! *D runs by, swinging his sword at a running coconut* Leila: This is the stupidest sketch I've ever done Grove: You wanna stop? Leila: Sure Grove: How do we get down? Director: Go to camera two! * * * * * *Nolt and Meier are making out, stopping in the middle when they see the camera rolling* Director: Sorry, Camera three! * * * * * *Charlotte is in the shower, singing* Charlotte: Always look on the bright side of—Ack! *Charlotte throws a bottle of shampoo at the camera, breaking it Director: Camera four? * * * * * *Carmilla is asleep in a coffin, hugging a teddy bear* Carmilla: *snore* Zzzzz Director: Any other cameras? * * * * * *Everything is pitch black* D: Where'd it go? *Walking sound.* Hand: You might want to look out for— *Thud Thud Thud Thud Thud Thud Thud Thud Thud Thud Thud Thud Thud Thud Thud Thud Thud Thud D: One of my better landings... * * * * * *Benge, still pulling crap out of his pockets, reaches in, yet again. Cell phone rings. D pokes his head out of Benge's pocket, ducks back in, not wanting to step out of barbarois's black hole of a pocket.* Benge: Get out of my pocket, D! *Benge reaches to grab D. Cell phone rings* Benge: Damnit! (pulls out a pair of black boxer shorts) D (from inside): Aaaah! Benge: I don't want to know *A cell phone is thrown out of Benge's pocket, smacking him in the face. He catches it* Benge: 'You have missed one call'