The Toad-al Story
by Archer

Greetings, all!! Sorry I didn't post this with my challenge last week. Better late than never, I hope!! Please be kind to this first-time fic poster!! As I would tell my old profs: "So I haven't written anything lately. Neither has Shakespeare."

This is in response to a Challenge (my own, actually) and is meant to entertain, not provide cosmic meaning. It has not been beta-read (I know it probably needs it, but I would spare anyone reading it more than once). It's okay to Archive, but not really necessary. It contains Major Spoilers for nothing. Rated PG for implied violence to innocent creatures and a bit of foul (not fowl) language at the end. Okay, here it comes.....

"SANDBURG!!!"

*Oh, oh* "Yeah, Jim?"

"In here, now!"

"Oh, come on, Jim! I cleaned up the mess and, look! I even put all the towels in the hamper!"

"Cleaned up the mess, huh? Well, then what do you call that?"

"Uh, Jim, man, that's a toilet. You know, every civilized house has one, used in private, if you know what I mean..."

"Chief, I'm going to ask this once and in simple words that even you can't twist around...What is that and why is it in my toilet?"

"It's a frog, Jim, in fact, due to it's size and bumpy-looking skin texture, I'd say it's a great big whopping....TOAD! Oh, my God!!! There's a toad in the toidy!! Oh, man, this is so cool!!! How did it get there? I mean, pardon the bluntness, Jim, but we both used the facilities this morning and it seemed to be working fine!! Wow, do you think it was hunting for water or something!! I know it's been pretty hot out there this summer and with the problems the city's been having with water lines and sewer lines lately, I guess the poor thing was just thirsty, huh? Boy, don't care much for its taste in water source....ugh, don't even want to go there!!! Man, this is amazing!! Just think, it came all the way up here to the third floor...through the pipes?? Talk about determined...focused...stuck looking for a...uh, Jim, what are you doing?"

"Get back, Chief."

"Jim, I really don't think that's necessary."

"I said, get back...now."

"This is just so totally over the top, man, you can't be serious."

"Step away from the frog, Blair!"

"Jim, if you shoot the frog, it'll splatter all over everything, besides blowing apart a perfectly good toilet! C'mon, man, it's just a little frog...er, toad...er, nice little beasty."

"Move it, mister! NOW!! Aargh!!! Where'd it go?"

"Wow, did you see that thing jump? Must have been a good 10 feet. Do you see it, hear it, smell it, anything?"

"Sandburg..."

"Here, get rid of the Uzi and grab a towel. We'll sneak up on it, snag it, and drop it outside."

"Chief..."

"No harm, no foul, okay?"

"Blair..."

"What?"

"It's in your room. I just spotted it, on your bed. In fact, it's sitting on your laptop. I warned you about leaving that thing open."

"Jim..."

"Yeah, Chief?"

"Kill it, kill it now."

"You sure, Blair? I mean, didn't you just say we should do the kinder, gentler thing and release it unharmed. I mean, as Sentinel of the Great City shouldn't I protect all creatures in my territory?"

"Ellison, I have one thing to say to you. Two weeks' worth of your surveillance notes being downloaded to your workstation. One wrong key hit and - ptouie! - all gone!!"

"All?"

"Yep."

"Two weeks?"

"Uh huh."

"On three, Chief. One...two..."

"And you want to explain to me one more time, mister, just how the hell all...THIS...could be caused by one, tiny little frog?"

"Well, Simon, you see, after we busted down the doors and dove for the laptop..."

"No, wait, Jim. Save it for your report. I'll need a good laugh. Just be sure you and Sandburg answer that complaint from your neighbors. Thought you were fighting off terrorists or something in here what with all the shouting and noise."

"Things did get a little out of control, sir."

"A little? That's an understatement. Wonder what your insurance agent will file this under. And what is Sandburg doing in there anyway? There can't be any hot water left."

"Well, you see, sir, during the assault, er, recapture, the...um...frog made a jump for it and Blair was right in its path. He didn't have his hair tied back and the beast...I mean, victim...oh, damn, frog got tangled and...well, ..."

"Jim, I need more soap, man! Something industrial strength this time. And do you know how much conditioner I'm going to have to use after this? But, no way am I cutting this off. although it would cause a lot less hassle next time. What am I saying, next time? Hey, you don't think there's any more of them in the pipes, do you? Oh, man, that would be just too much! Hey, where'd the hot water go? This sucks, Jim!"

"Coming, Chief."

"Lord, give me strength!! Jim....see you later....much later."

The End