Front Page

Celebs Confess

Images

Confess Here

Confess Plus

Canned Script

Entire Script

Comfy Chairs


 
[CUT TO NEW SKETCH]

Dear Old Lady: This is Uncle Ted in front of the house. (she hands over the photo and the young lady tears it up) This is Uncle Ted at the back of the house. (she hands over the photo and the young lady tears it up) And this is Uncle Ted at the side of the house. (she hands over the photo and the young lady tears it up) This is Uncle Ted, back again at the front of the house, but you can see the side of the house. (she hands over the photo and the young lady tears it up) And this is Uncle Ted even nearer the side of the house, but you can still see the front. (she hands over the photo and the young lady tears it up) This is the back of the house, with Uncle Ted coming round the side to the front. (she hands over the photo and the young lady tears it up) And this is the Spanish Inquisition hiding behind the coal shed. (Friend takes it with the first sign of real interest.)
Young Lady: Oh! I didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition.

[JARRING CHORD]

[The door flies open and Ximinez, Biggles and Fang enter.] Ximinez: Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!

[Cut to film: moving over Brengel drawing of tortures; epic film music.]

Voice Over: 'IN THE EARLY YEARS OF THE SIXTEENTH CENTURY, TO COMBAT THE RISING TIDE OF RELIGIOUS UNORTHODOXY, THE POPE GAVE CARDINAL XIMINEZ OF SPAIN LEAVE TO MOVE WITHOUT LET OR HINDRANCE THROUGHOUT THE LAND, IN A REIGN OF VIOLENCE, TERROR AND TORTURE THAT MAKES A SMASHING FILM. THIS WAS THE SPANISH INQUISITION . . .'

On to next scene, or back to previous scene



Ham cleese! Cleese cheese spam spaam spam cheese? Cleese cleese cleese! Cheese cleese spam cleese. Cheese spam. Cleese spam cleese ham spam ham cleese! Spaam ham ham cheese ham spaam spaam. Cheese spam cleese. Spam cheese! Cleese spaam! Cheese cheese cheese ham ham cheese. Spaam cleese cheese cleese cheese spam ham. Cheese cleese. Cleese spam! Cheese spam! Spaam spaam cheese! Spam cheese. Cleese cheese spam spaam cleese cheese. Cleese spam spam. Cheese ham spam spaam. Cheese spaam spam spam cleese cleese. Ham spaam cleese cleese cheese spam cleese cleese cleese! Spaam cleese ham! Cleese spam cheese ham! Spam cheese cheese.
(source: the code quacker)
[Confess Here] [The Spanish Inquisition] [The Complete Script] [Images] [Celebrity Confessions] [Confession Plus] [Self-Referential T-Shirt]

We Deny Everything
©1995-1998 The Broken Plank.
All rights reserved.