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Who was the first person to discover fire? Or the wheel? Perhaps
we'll never know. Many such questions may remain forever unanswered.
Which means that we at the Broken Plank can make up anything we like
about these discoverers and stand a good chance of never being
contradicted. Not that we'd do that of course, but it is an
interesting thought.
As it happens, we did come across something rather interesting in some
sort of old library somewhere. In Greece, probably.
The curator has most likely asked us to keep the location of his
establishment quiet for now, to avoid a rampaging horde of
academics laying siege to the place. Yes that's probably it.
So don't think we're being vague
just because we're making this up as we go along.
What we unearthed was a detailed account of the discovery that
cheese comes from milk. Cheese of course has been around for
millenia, but for many centuries no one knew where it came from.
If you think about it, there is no obvious reason to suspect that
cheese comes from milk. Consider the facts:
- Milk is a liquid. Cheese is usually a solid.
- Milk is white. Cheese can be almost any colour.
- Milk gives you a moustache instantly. Cheese takes years to give
the same effect. My son, for example, started eating cheese at
a very early age,
but it wasn't until many years later that he grow a moustache.
Given this, it should be no surprise that it took humanity a long
time to work out the exact origins of cheese. The documents in our
possession indicate that the breakthrough was made at a monastery in
Finland, where a group of monk-alchemists managed to construct a
primitive sub-atomic particle supercollider. They were the first to
successfully split milk into its component elements, curds and whey.
From there, it was a small step to making history by creating the
first artificial cheese in vitro. So successful was this
process that artificial cheese soon totally dominated the market,
and naturally-occurring cheese rapidly disappeared forever.
Tragedy or triumph?
As often happens in the history of humanity,
and like the component elements of milk,
they are hard to separate.
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