And that was all, except a few seconds of static, some popping noises, and a brief high-pitched scream.

"This is a momentous event," heralded the media.

"We are all privileged to bear witness to such a crucial turning point in human history, life will never be the same again. Wars will surely become a thing of the past, there will be no more famines. We will live in harmony with our neighbours and our children will grow up in a safer world," they continued.

"A little odd though, that transmission," they admitted.

"Just a little bit more enigmatic than one might have hoped, for humanity's first message from the stars," they conceded.

"But hey at least the aliens spoke English just like we always knew they would," the reporters joked. Except in France, which had been plunged into crisis by this turn of events, and where there was much blowing of noses in various general directions.

"No doubt they put their trousers on one tentacle at a time, just like we do," they stressed.

"So don't feel threatened." they proffered.

"Don't feel compelled to proclaim Armageddon and run around the streets looting, or at least for Pete's sake put some clothes on if you do. Even if it were the end of the world, which it isn't, there's no excuse for that kind of carry-on. We'll be seeing quite enough dangly bits when the aliens get here thank you very much."

"So stay calm."

"Hey they said they come in peace for crying out loud."

"And that bit that sounded like the speaker somehow got killed in a horribly messy way was probably just interference from some TV show on one of the other channels."

"...bound to be..."

"And the scream of eternal agony bit is most likely just how the aliens sound when they sneeze."

"All that speculation about the aliens being on the run from a vicious sadistic master-race that finally caught up with them is plain nonsense. There is no evidence at all to suggest that."

"The simultaneous explosion detected in the area of the sky the signal originated from was just an amazing coincidence."

"And that so-called `invasion fleet' the tabloids are raving about is just a big bunch of comets probably. Rocks and ice and the like, most likely. Just friendly local rocks and ice, not hostile at all, not thirsting for lifeforms to enslave. Rocks and ice are dependable that way."

"So don't worry."

"It is all under control."

"It is... ah we have just received our first transmission from the ambassador sent to greet the aliens at their projected location. So now you can stop worrying. He says `heeeeellllllllllpunnngggkk-arrrrgggghhgggcrunch'. It is good to see how rapidly he was able to learn their language. He is truly gifted. We will pass on any further dispatches as they arrive."

"Or perhaps you might wish to go out and get some fresh air. Walk the dog. Proclaim Armageddon and run around the streets looting. Do some of those everyday pleasant things that you'll never appreciate until they are gone and you are working as a slave on a planet whose atmosphere you can't even breathe. Not that it will ever happen of course, ah ha."

"We will now briefly interrupt our coverage to bring you 180 hours of non-stop Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck cartoons. That Bugs eh? What a character!"