BUSY: Hello, excuse me sir, could you please tell me where the nearest post office is?

NORMAL: What?

BUSY: The nearest post office? I was wondering if you know where it is? I have this letter I need to post you see.

NORMAL: Oh really?

BUSY: Errr, yes. Well if you don't know I'll just ask this next person...

NORMAL: I wouldn't do that.

BUSY: Ah. Why?

NORMAL: There are some very strange people in this city. So tell me, just why do you feel this urgent need for a post office? Do you think that sending this letter is actually going to solve anything?

BUSY: I'm sorry?

NORMAL: Yes, that's just what I mean. Totally the wrong attitude. What's the letter about?

BUSY: I don't think that's any of your concern.

NORMAL: It's about me isn't it?

BUSY: Listen, if I don't post this letter my boss will...

NORMAL: You are writing about me, aren't you? Who is the letter for?

[A young woman collides with the pair]

WOMAN: I'm awfully sorry, I didn't mean to...

NORMAL: That's part of the problem. You are sorry. You're all sorry.

WOMAN: I don't know what you mean.

[The woman departs with a confused look on her face]

BUSY: Look can you help me?

NORMAL: Don't you think this street is a bit overcrowded?

BUSY: Weeeell

[NORMAL grabs BUSY by the arm, his eyes intent]

NORMAL: I mean, do you think I actually enjoy young women bumping into me?

BUSY: Weeeell

NORMAL: Do you think I stand here every day just on the off chance that...

BUSY: Look, I don't care, let me go will you?

[BUSY stops another passer-by]

BUSY: Excuse me sir, but do you know where the post office is?

PASSER-BY: Why do you want to know where the post office is?

NORMAL: He conspires against us all. He is writing to the National Enquirer. He is going to blow our cover man. We can't let it happen. It'll be all over the front pages tomorrow. We have to stop him.

PASSER-BY: Right. Give us that letter sir.

BUSY: You guys are weirdos. No way am I giving you this letter. My boss would...

[NORMAL puts his hand to his ear]

NORMAL: The subject refuses to give us the letter. Over.

PASSER-BY: Sir give us the letter. It's for your own good. Give it to us...

BUSY: I just want to know where the post office is.

NORMAL: Wouldn't you much rather talk about the blueness of the sky?

PASSER-BY: Yes, the blueness of the sky. Fascinating. My grandpappy used always say...

BUSY: The sky is *not* blue, it's about to rain, we're going to get wet.

NORMAL: But don't you think that says a lot about life? I mean, take this rain thing. You're standing outside, minding your own business, just being generally a human in a complex and untrustworthy world, when suddenly nature takes a whim and starts aiming entire oceans of these irritating little droplets of water at you. And it goes down your neck, soaks all your clothes, makes your shoes squish embarrassingly when you walk... I mean, I'm not paranoid, but don't you think that nature is out to get the entire human race?

PASSER-BY: ...that a red sky in the morning is a shepherd's warning, and...

BUSY: What on earth are you talking about. I mean really. I'm standing here listening to you, and all I'm hearing is words.

NORMAL: But don't you think that says a lot about life? When all we can say, when you get right down to it, are just words, sounds, symbols. I mean, I'm not paranoid, but don't you think that the metasyntactic structure of reasoning and communication is out to get the entire human race?

BUSY: You are really irritating, you know that?

NORMAL: But don't you think that says a lot about life?

[BUSY is stunned. His head spins on his shoulders.]

PASSER-BY: ...a blue sky at night is a shepherd's reminder to put batteries in his watch.

NORMAL: So anyway, why are you so anxious to get to a post office? What do they have in a post office that's so important?

BUSY: Thery have lit-kle fluffy lambs and small lit-kle teddy bears with yellow ribbons... what do you think they have in the post office.

NORMAL: I didn't think people were supposed to be sarcastic to their god.

BUSY: God??

NORMAL: Yes. God. But don't worry. I don't hold with any of that prostrating thyself before me nonsense. Okay? I don't want none of that carry-on thank you very much.

BUSY: Well that's a relief.

NORMAL: Enough insolence. I think you should just get on with the bowing down before me bit.

BUSY: But you said you didn't like people prostrating themselves before you.

NORMAL: We gods know that there is a world of difference between prostrating and bowing-down. Now get bowing before I get my lightning makin' thingymybob out... insolent non-god person.

BUSY: You're bananas. Speaking of fruit, are there any particular trees you want me to keep away from?

NORMAL: More insolence!

BUSY: Well I'm sorry. I'm just not very good at dealing with supernatural manifestations.

NORMAL: And what's wrong with the supernatural? Nothin' wrong with a bit of supernatural happenin's I always say. We can't go round not havin' supernatural phenomena. Do away with the supernatural and before you know it they'll want to do away with the natural and then where would we be. It'd be too late then. It'd be too late to go round complain' about havin' no natural then. I'd have told em so but would they listen to me... Nooo.

BUSY: Right. That's it. The boss can post his own letters, I'm off to join a monastery.

PASSER-BY: Bye.

NORMAL: Bye.

[A moment's silence]

NORMAL: Thought that weirdo would never let us alone. There are some strange people in this city and no mistake.

PASSER-BY: Yes. Speaking of supernatural phenomena, what do you think of the President's new haircut? Okay, it looks exactly like the old one, in fact you're probably thinking of replying "What new haircut" but THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT THEY WANT YOU TO SAY! It's all a cunning ploy to subliminally introduce his campaign slogan for the next election. Like that "Read my lips, no new taxes" thing. My sources say he's planning to use something like "Look at my haircut, you voted for this last time, and hey, I reckon you're gullible enough to do it again!" Devious, eh?

NORMAL: Yes. It's these damnable goats messing everything up. People wouldn't care about haircuts only for goats. You'd have none of this subliminimibal messages without goats. They invented them you know. Your average goat goes 'round been subliminimibal all the time... sayin' things like "go ahead primate make this perissodactyl's day" and "no way you is comin' near me with dat bucket boy". The goats are employed by the president during elections to give subliminimibal messages like "vote for the guy with the same haircut or it's the evil glare". It's all a big conspiracy by the goats to take over the world. They won't stop at haircuts.