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Charles Darwin
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Hallo. My name is Charles Darwin. You may remember me from such works as The Origin of Species and The Descent Of Man. I proposed the famous natural selection hypothesis. I really don't know what came over me that day. I must have been having one of my funny spells. You see what I really meant to say was that we are all the result of eons of fine tuning by alien beings from another planet. They have been carefully killing off a couple of species here giving another species a helping hand there and voila before you know it here we are. It's not all that complicated really and doesn't involve that ridiculous survival of the fittest malarky! But sure the trouble the alien beings went to to get rid of those dissident dodos would amaze you. And sure those dinosaurs were getting a bit uppity and they had to be gotten rid of. Oh the aliens are very clever at covering up their handiwork though. Sure didn't they spend ages digging that hole in the ground in Mexico, adding a fossil here a fossil there and before you know it some poor sod has come up with a theory of evolution. I dunno what came over me with this natural selection business. I mean really, what was I thinking of. Well anyway I call this Supernatural Selection and sure haven't the aliens got it down to a fine art. It has a nice ring to it really. And here we were wondering what our appendices were for! Talk about laugh. Sure you wouldn't believe half the things I come up with when I am having one of my funny spells I tell you. The last time it happened didn't I end up in Mrs. Dunrow's cabbage patch stark naked with a flower pot on my head sinking Rule Brittania. Oh how we laughed, but sure isn't a funny old world all the same, and it'll get you in the end.
(more confessions)
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