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Karl Marx
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Hello. My name is Karl Marx, the famous economist and communist. You may remember me from books like THE COMMUNIST MANIFESTO and DAS CAPITAL as well as such phrases as "The workers have nothing to lose but their chains. They have a world to win." I feel I have a great weight I must unburden. You see I never really believed any of that rise up and destroy the capiltalist oppressor business at all and what I really meant to say was "The workers have nothing to lose but their small change. They have a lottery to win...." but somehow I seem to be misquoted all the time. What I had more in mind was a natural evolution of a communist utopia from capitalism where the proletariat would be my servants and we could have imposed a wealth distribution system whereby the proletariat would have payed massive commissions to me their Grand Supreme Emperor. I also thought that we could have had everybody bowing down before me but somewhere along they way it all went horribly wrong. I blame that Engels guy. He confuse me with his big words and those damn philosopher's wheels. I would have much preferred an anarcho-syndicalist commune of some sort. Preferably with mandatory nudity for all the females between 18 and 40. But certainly I think we should have focussed more on the smashing of the ..errr.. oppressor, the elimination of personal property and the handing over all wealth to me the Grand Supreme Emperor for safe keeping. This business of personal property just corrupts people and I would have been able to keep it somewhere out of harms reach and sure then we would have all been happy then. After that I think it would have been nice to have had a Emperess or two. Yes two would have been good, I have to agree with my good friend George Washington on that.. Curse Engels and his blasted communist manifesto.
(more confessions)
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