Bucky
Spins

Seamus
Speaks

Clanking
Plank

Nitty
Gritty

Bell's
Briefs

Totally
Toons

Diverse
Adverts


D. Bell
 Front page
 What's new
 Seamus speaks
 Clanking plank
 Bell's briefs
 DOCUMENTARIES
 Totally toons
 Bucky Spins
 About us

Documentaries

Contents
WHY GOSSIP?
As happy as Larry
The uncovered web
Cheese
Pointy ears - Why?
What is this Life business anyway?
Unicorn ailments
The nature of reality
Lemmings- why do they do it?
The vegetable conspiracy, Part II: The Carrots
The vegetable conspiracy, Part I: The Cabbages




 

Why gossip?

Why do we gossip? What compulsion drives us to corner our friends and neighbours and bombard them with the latest saga of Mrs. Halmartin and her plumber? Why do we insist on having heated arguments about why a simple clogged shower is taking so long to fix? And how the plumber only seems to come around when Mr. Halmartin is at the office? Surely Mrs. Halmartin has a right to privacy as to what goes on in her own shower. And that Jimmy from number 15 who got young Sarah in trouble. Shocking altogether. It's the parents I blame. Them and their fancy garden gnomes. They're plastic, did you know that? Oh yes. Just filled with sand to stop them blowing away. Not proper gnomes like in number 12. Now that's a nice garden. Old Mr. Hawksworthe really looks after the place. Sure it's the only peace he gets these days, working in the garden, after that painted lady he married started showing her true colours. You have to feel sorry for him. His life is utter misery these days they say. But at least he has his gnomes and his goldfish pond. Although since young Alexander, that brat from number 13, sneaked in and poured detergent in the pond to "give the fish a bath", they haven't been the same. Mr. Hawksworthe took it well though, considering. Just walked away and started digging a new flower bed in the back garden, to take his mind off things I suppose. Yes it must have been just to distract himself, because he dug it a lot deeper than you need for dahlias really.

That young Alexander is a bad lot. He has his parents demented trying to keep track of him. Always running off, robbing banks, looting villages, and razing entire cities to the ground. But the police can't do anything to him, with him being just five years old. Oh he's a terror to keep track of. It's the parents I feel sorry for. They do say that young Alexander has been missing for the past few weeks now, longer than he's ever been gone before. The parents are going half mad waiting for him to come home, or show up on TV destroying some defenceless continent. It's a shame.

Mr. Hawksworthe's new flower bed is coming on a treat though. He's really happy about it. He stands their most evenings looking at it, cackling, his eyes gleaming, and then he starts prancing about the place shrieking in insane mirth. It all goes to show really doesn't it.




Is this page putrid or perfect? Tell us!
 



 
 


Bucky
Spins

Seamus
Speaks

Clanking
Plank

Nitty
Gritty

Bell's
Briefs

Totally
Toons

Diverse
Adverts



All material copyright (1998) of the Dalek Bell conspiracy (more, mail us)